Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
