I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
