In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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