Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A bitchslap is in order.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize