your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
