hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
