You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize