ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
