Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
