You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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