Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
