Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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