i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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