I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize