i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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