I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
