its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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