Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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