k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
