God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
