i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
