You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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