So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
