someone threw a dead crab at me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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