is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
