Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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