Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
