I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
