Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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