I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
