drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
