Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize