I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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