Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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