she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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