Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
