at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
