I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's never too late to be topless.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize