he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
third nipple confirmed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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