you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm too high and old for this...
as a side note pls kill me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
