I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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