I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm bleeding and have questions
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
