I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
