Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
