I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
