Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
