While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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