This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
