we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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