so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
