Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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