Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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