i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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