He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My pussy is not your playground.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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