becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
