I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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