i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
