some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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