but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
