dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
