You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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