At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
