so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize