your parents love me but you hate me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
