this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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