So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
