you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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