Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
