omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
