Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize