My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
