ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
