Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
