Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
