oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
