When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
