Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
