after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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