i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize