You're so nebulous sometimes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
