I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
