And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
