If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
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