Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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