What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
