no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
