never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to be your penis for a week.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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