Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
