Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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