Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
