I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
