shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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