Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
