I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
