remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
