Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will pee on everything he values.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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