is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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