First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
