boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
