The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
