Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
