ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
